Letter to You.

Well, I’m sitting on a train going back to dc and I really have to just express - that now I think I’m beginning to hate you.  You. have a hero complex. you. would like to believe that you’re innocent, that you’re a victim in these circumstances.  But honestly?  Everything that has happened to you, is your own god damn fault.  You’d like to blame everyone around you.  Most of all, me.  But honestly?  I feel a little bit manipulated by YOU.  When I was at my lowest - instead of advising me to work out my issues, you took that opportunity of making you part of my life, didn’t you?  When I was sad, weak, depressed, you just HAD to be the hero.  And you’d say that you were doing it out of the selflessness of your heart.  You were being a hero.  But if you take a good look at yourself, you’d find more selfish reasons, I believe.  Maybe I’m so bitter at you because you, to me, were a beacon of hope - or a reason to believe that there are greater things to live for, such as love, or promises of a better tomorrow.  But in the end, that didn’t happen. Did it?  You were like any other boy… actually no.  I actually found you to be really IMMATURE.  SELFISH. WHINY.  NO FREAKING SENSE IN YOUR HEAD.  The decisions you made actually are impossibly bad.  I can’t believe you thought it was a good idea to sneak me around instead of introduce me to your family.  How did that end up? With your mom flipping a shit on my face.  And giving me a bad name in your family.  Because YOU WERE TOO COWARDLY.  Or the fact that you got too lazy to come down to DC to see me.  How about the time you blamed ME for YOU forgetting that you had a 3 day weekend. I DIDN”T REMIND YOU. are you fucking kidding me? You are so immature.  And so desperate to avoid any responsibility or blame.  You try to put yourself out there as the innocent one, the victim. You bitch and whine to everyone - god damn - everyone.  You can’t stand on your own two feet worth shit without bitching and whining - for what purpose.  I literally gave you my entire life up until we broke up.  How many thousands of dollars i spent visiting you - sometimes 2-3 weekends in a row?  I admit, all of this isn’t your fault.  I’m not the best girlfriend.  And i know that med school is a hefty work load.  But at the end. the very end where you say, oh yeah I have to shape up.  meaning… oh you could’ve visited me this whole time, but were just too lazy to.  THAT MAKES IT ALL WORSE.  You get mad at me for breaking up with you so quickly, and cleanly.  Just walking away. But what did you want.  Something drawn out and painful?  Or did you want me to stay with you, miserable, for your benefit?  You got me to leave my ex boyfriend - and I’ve been suffering the consequences from that ever since - and now you can’t take your own medicine?  Pathetic.  Please.  Get a hold of yourself.  THese days I really just don’t have the patience for people like you.  People who say something, but really - no.  Its all talk. 

well when you’ve hit rock bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up.  You asked me waht I was doing this weekend.  Really.  Like I’d tell you?  I can’t depend on you anymore, so I have to depend on someone else.  After the whole shit of the last month and a half.  Sorry, I’m not going to sacrifice myself for you now - now that we don’t actually have anything.  Especially since you didn’t sacrifice yourself for me then.  FUCK YOU. You act like I kept you around me - don’t you think it takes two to tango?  The fact that I was unhappy in my relationship and you just happened to be there - was it me who tempted you? Or you who tempted me?  think about you asshole.  I fucking hate you, especially because you play the innocent victim. Especially because I know you’re not.  I know I’m a terrible person.  I know I don’t deserve many things.  I’m not a hero, I’m a villain.  But really - you’re no saint. Stop acting like one.  Im going to get mine.  I hope you get yours.